Relationship Goals: Finding the Right One

Our society has some warped values in the area of Dating & Relationships because over the years, the church hasn’t done its job well. If society is struggling, part of the reason is because WE haven’t given proper teaching of sex and sexuality as a Church in the last 2000 years. After the death of the Apostles, the church began to preach crazy things about relationships and sex. Sex became a dirty word and has been in the church for the last 2000 years…
All of this wrong teaching caused what we see today. We were afraid of our sexuality, and did not know how to handle it, and so we just buried it, hoping that it would go away. Clearly, that didn’t work…

Because of the unhealthy repression of sex and sexuality, the sexual revolution began, and people took all the limits off of sex! Society today has no rules, no absolutes, no standards concerning sex or relationships. The line now is, “If it feels good, do it! If you enjoy it, do it! Whatever, whenever, with whoever.” And with the rampant amount of mental health, general social anxiety, the influence of social media - and the impact of porn addiction and very dysfunctional online versions of relationships - we are at a tipping point of pain, dysfunction, and madness.
 
God never wanted to destroy the sex drive  the Church did! God just wants us to properly channel it  after all, He made it! Sex is like water or fire - life if used right, and death if used wrong! So, how can we Find The Right One? 

Step 1- Find Your Completion In JESUS

Colossian 2:9-10 says, “9 For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; 10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” We were not designed to find satisfaction just in each other. God created you with a hole in your heart that only He can fill. True satisfaction is found in Jesus. We are complete in Christ.
 
God Is Our Source  Jeremiah 17:5-9; John 4; John 7:37-39; John 6:26-58; Isaiah 55:1-3.

1.) Jeremiah 2:12-15  “Be astonished, O heavens, at this, and be horribly afraid… says the LORD. For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns - broken cisterns that can hold no water. Is Israel a servant? Is he a slave? Why is he plundered? The young lions roared at him and growled; they made his land waste; his cities are burned, without inhabitant.” When Our Deepest Needs Are NOT Met In God	When Our Deepest Needs ARE Met In God
2.) Your inner security is dependent upon someone or something you can’t predict or control, and whose resources to meet your needs are limited.	Your inner security and strength are dependent upon Him Who is totally faithful and Who has unlimited resources. Your life has an atmosphere of blessing, satisfaction, and hope.
3.) Your ability to give is dependent upon your ability to get from others.	Your ability to give flows from an inner resource available always – the Holy Spirit.
4.) Your life is filled with an atmosphere of disappointment & frustration.	When others are not giving to you, you still love them generously, thus endearing yourself to them and strengthening relationships.
5.) Your unrealistic expectations of others creates a negative atmosphere of tension in your relationships, a force field of pressure that drives others away from you.	Your realistic expectations of others draw you closer together with them as you love and give to them. You also receive in this context.

When you find your completeness in Christ, He will bring into your life satisfying relationships with others:

☺ Matt.6:33  “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
☺ Psalms 84:11  “…no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” 
☺ Psalms 37:4  “Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” 

God’s plan is not to bring two “halves” together in marriage to make one “whole” person, but to bring two “whole” people together to make one  Matthew 19:4-6. When we are “whole” and complete in Him, we are ready for marriage. Only in Jesus is true satisfaction found  John 4:7-18. If we do things God’s way, we can be assured of a fulfilling relationship with another person  Psalm 37:4 and Psalm 84:11.

Step 2- Then, Learn To LOVE YOURSELF

After your relationship with Jesus, your relationship with yourself is the framework for everything else, and the foundation on which every other relationship is built. If we are not connected and emotionally available to ourselves, we can’t be connected and emotionally available for others. If we are not kind and respectful to ourselves, we won’t be kind and respectful to others. Loving yourself is not selfish; you can’t truly love others until you learn to love yourself.

Learning to Love Yourself means self-care, self-respect, and self-love. In Matthew 22:39 Jesus said that we must “Love your neighbor as yourself…”. Jesus was quoting from Leviticus 19:18, where the Mosaic Law had first told us: “18 “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.”

• Learning to Love Yourself is difficult because we know our flaws so well. 

We know that we are BOTH a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously. 

• Learning to Love Yourself is the ability to value yourself as a person and embrace your strengths and weakness. 
• Learning to Love Yourself is also difficult because of how others have treated us, and what they modelled to us. 
• Learning to Love Yourself is about looking after yourself and your mental health. 

Here is the test to determine if you Love Yourself: Do You Treat Yourself As You Treat Anyone You Truly Love & Respect? How do you treat others that you consider to be precious? Are you treating yourself in the same way?

5 Questions For A Healthy Relationship With Yourself:
 
1) How Do You SPEAK To Yourself? 
2) How Do You Respect or APPRECIATE Yourself Compared To How You Respect Others? 
3) How Do You PROTECT Yourself Compared To How You Protect Others? 
4) How Do You TREAT Yourself When You Are Tired, Hungry, Lonely, and Angry? 
5) How Do You Treat Yourself When You “Win” or When You “Lose”? 

You will have Healthy Relationships with others only when you have a Healthy Relationship With YOURSELF.

65% of millennials and Gen Z report sometimes or always feeling lonely. 46% of Americans always or sometimes feel alone or left out. 54% always or sometimes feel that no one knows them well. The Good News is that God Knows You:

• Exodus 33:17 – “…I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.” 
• John 10:14 – “I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me…” 
• Isaiah 45:4 – “I have even called you by your name…” 

HE KNOWS YOUR NAME. He knows YOU. He knows everything about you already. He longs to go deeper with you…